Strawberries that look like a galaxy orgezmed all over them and DANIEL'S GIRLFRIEND WROTE BACK ☠️

WELP. TODAY IS ONE FOR THE BOOKS. (Heh, get it?)

First of all, have you ever seen a strawberry that looked like an entire galaxy jezzed all over it? No? Well, then you're in for a treat!! BUT FIRST. WE HAVE SOME THINGS TO DISCUSS.

Like the Amethysts & Alchemy makeover, which is coming this fall!!! 😍

We are making this a Pledgebox exclusive preorder for now to help keep all of our ducks in a row, so if you haven't yet pledged for the Silver/Gilded Blood Deluxe Edition Bookset (or even if you have, and you want to add this as an add-on), now is the time! We'll include the new A&A hardcover with sprayed edges and stunning gem-themed endpages to your Kickstarter pledge!

You can also get it a la carte, so if supporting the Kickstarter isn't in the cards for you right now, that's okay! You can still get Amethysts & Alchemy, which will ship this fall!😊

Also, for those of you who joined my brand-new Patreon (THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!) look what other preorder just dropped!!

When I told you all I would be re-writing Inked one chapter at a time from Zayn's POV, and then releasing INKED: RETOLD as a Patreon-exclusive special edition paperback, many of you messaged me to ask if we could also make Silver Blood into a matching special edition. So I SCRAMBLED and was able to get this stunning holographic foil paperback added to the upcoming Kickstarter order! If you'd like to add this ultra-exclusive paperback to your collection, along with INKED: RETOLD (and, crossing fingers, the rest of the series told from Zayn's POV if you all like it enough!!), come join my Patreon!

ALL members, paid and free, will get the secret code to purchase the Silver Blood: Onyx Edition for $32.99. But only ZAYN LOVERS will have access to his exclusive chapters every month. One brand new chapter is already posted, with at least 3 more coming soon!

Hope to see you there! ❤️

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Okay, and now for the salacious gossip (and j!zztastic strawberries)...

DANIEL'S GIRLFRIEND WROTE ME!!!

💀💀💀

For those who missed it, I received a VERY interesting email from a d00d named Daniel who was less than impressed with my limited lady knowledge of motorcycles:

FYI, NO, he does not own a motorcycle.

And weirdly enough responded with crickets when he received the following reply from me:

WELL, THE PLOT THICKENS.

Because I just received the following email from Janelle, Daniel's VERY unimpressed girlfriend:

Dear Ms. Rener,

I logged onto Facebook yesterday and was immediately horrified to see the post you made about some as[$]hole named Daniel that slid into your inbox. BECAUSE I AM DATING THAT AS[$]HOLE AND I AM THE ONE WHO TOLD HIM TO READ YOUR BOOKS.

I had NO idea he wrote that email and because I am so so so incredibly mortified please consider this email payback for him being such an irredeemable pri[¢]k to you. Not only does Daniel not have a motorcycle, he can barely ride a bicycle. And the only reason he has a drivers license is because I forced him to get one. (He is 29 years old.) But even now he almost always refuses to drive because he says he doesn't like it even though we both know its because he's a massive man-baby.

Furthermore, I want you to know he not only made it past Chapter 6 of book 1, he's currently reading the third book of the Lighting Conjurer series. I know this because I walked in on him crying during the scene where [---------SPOILER---------] but he pretended it was allergies.

So please accept my sincere apologies for his behavor and know that he'll be sleeping on the couch for the next few nights. or maybe forever. I haven't decided. Your books are amazing and he and I BOTH love them so much. Maybe he can learn a thing from your MMCs (and yes that includes in the bedroom.)

With horror and apologies and gratitude and even more apologies,

Janelle



My reply to Janelle was 3 short paragraphs, in summary:

1) assuring her that she's not responsible for the idiocy of her man-baby partner

2) asking her permission to post her email since so many in the comments wanted to know her reaction (she heartily agreed), and

3) asking for their address so I can send her and her motorcycle-bereft man-child a signed edition of The Lightning Conjurer series complete series omnibus, which she happily accepted.

I also told her that I supported him sleeping on the couch for at least a week.

If any of you have any other suggestions, I told her I'd forward them along ;)

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Last, but so far from least, I wanted to share the incredible gift I got from my team today when we met at the new warehouse:

(I KNOWWWW I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS ALL MINE EITHER, OR THAT THOSE RACKS WILL BE COMPLETELY FULL OF PALLETS IN JUST 3 SHORT MONTHS  😭😭😭)

Behold: The Prettiest Forking Strawberries You Have EVER Forking Seen in Your ENTIRE Forking Life:

Britt tells me they are Gilded Blood-themed, but I stand by my comment on Orgesmic Nebulae 🤣✨🌌💦🍓

I've said it before and I'll say it until my dying day: I have the best team, and the best readers, in the entire j!zzing universe.

I love you all!!❤️ (Even Daniel.)

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Itching for MORE snark, shenanigans, and signed bananas? Come join my brand-new reader group, Rachel's Renergades! 🍌 🍌 🍌

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